


Dick in a Box

by crookedspoon



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Awkward Flirting, Crack, Dialogue Heavy, EAD Birthday Bash 2021, I Don't Even Know, I Wish I Had Been Drunk When I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, POV Jason Todd, The Author Regrets Everything, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:35:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28679004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crookedspoon/pseuds/crookedspoon
Summary: Boy, that escalated quickly.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd
Comments: 12
Kudos: 109
Collections: Exchanges After Dark Birthday Bash 2021





	Dick in a Box

**Author's Note:**

  * For [notictus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notictus/gifts), [wednesday](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wednesday/gifts).



> Hello, notictus! We were matched on JayDick. :) I know you didn't request Dick in a Box, so I wrote this one for wednesday instead!

When he'd agreed to help Dick move, _this_ was not how Jason had envisioned his Saturday afternoon – ‘this’ being a struggle against a veritable mountain of cardboard boxes. He _has_ uncovered a rather fetching 12-piece, rose-pattern set of china in one of them, something he usually prefers to get at a yard sale and rather not something he'd expected to find Dick owning. At least, not a full set, in mint condition. Dick is more the type to rescue lonely furniture items that fit none of the aesthetics he's going for, unless that aesthetic is ‘broke student's first apartment.’

The thing that bothers Jason most about this task is not the sheer amount of it – though, seriously, the mountain of boxes would be considerably smaller if Dick had actually organized his stuff instead of haphazardly throwing it into whatever box was nearest and hoping for the best. He's worse than some online mail-order businesses, going by the way Jason sometimes finds just one (1) item in the box. His favorite? The box that contained one (1) lonely fork. It was a small box, sure, but the rest of his cutlery would have easily fit inside as well. That way, Jason wouldn't have had to find other forks poking him from amidst stacks of clothing. At least none of the knives he found that way were sharp.

No, what bothers him is that throughout this ordeal Dick is curiously absent, as though he expected Jason to do the unpacking all by himself. Perhaps that was his plan. Make Jason decide where to put the stuff, so Dick wouldn't have to. It's not that Dick lacks organizational skills, it's more that he prioritizes case files rather than the space to store them in.

If Jason wasn't so desperate to get on Dick's good side (read: get in his pants), he would have left already. This is ridiculous. Who owns three of the same Hello Kitty pyjama bottoms but none of the matching tops? That's where the best prints are. Jason will have to take Dick out shopping one day. Or simply drop off some new pyjamas unasked.

Grumbling under his breath, Jason reaches for the next box – another curiously light one that seems to contain only one item – and stares at the content.

Inside the oversized box is another, smaller package, this one plastic. And inside that package is... well, it's a dildo whose blue-and-black coloring you can definitely call Nightwing-themed. Jason flushes. Was he meant to find this? The packaging is still in mint condition. Could this be... no, surely not. That is preposterous.

Suddenly, the box next to Jason starts to rock. There's some scuffling and scratching as though a badger were trapped inside. 

"Shit, Jason, I'm so sorry!" Dick's voice is muffled and then his head pops out of the rattling box. "I must have fallen asleep." He brushes a hand through his hair and looks around at the wasteland of cardboard boxes Jason has vanquished and neatly folded. "Wow, you did all that while I was out? You— you didn't have to, you know."

"You were asleep the whole time I was toiling around here?" Jason asks unnecessarily. First of all, Dick just said so. And second of all, Dick looks like crap with those heavy bags under his eyes. As if he only ever crashed because his body gave out under him, not because he actually let himself rest and catch up on sleep the way anyone who takes care of themselves would.

"I'm so sorry, I tried to load up on caffeine before you came, but it didn't work. I feel like it's kicking in only now," he says in a rush and then blushes as his eyes fall onto the item Jason is still clutching like an idiot. "Oh, heh. Really, you didn't have to."

"Is this a joke?" is all Jason manages in answer because a part of him is curious.

"Well, it's a joke gift?" His voice rises at the end, as if he himself were uncertain about the statement he's making or how it would be received.

"A gift? My thank you for helping you or what?"

"Um. If you want it...?" Again, the uncertain rise. Dick eyes him askance. "I mean, it was originally a joke gift from Wally, but I already— that is, it would have been weird, it bearing my own colors and all..."

"Oh. Forget I asked."

"No, no! It's totally fine, you can have it! He wouldn't mind."

"But I would."

"Don't worry. He probably doesn't even remember it or thinks that I got rid of it." He grins. It's quite the dazzling sight, despite – or perhaps because – Dick's mussed appearance. (Jason's brain goes on to wonder what Dick looks like fresh out of bed. This is probably the closest he'll ever get to seeing it.) "Which I would be, if you were to take it off my hands."

"I don't want it!" Jason says, perhaps a tad too hastily. And shrilly. He lets it drop back into the box as though burned and shoves the whole thing away, only to realize that it leaves him exposed. With only a thin wall of cardboard between him and Dick. Though why he thinks he needed to shield himself from Dick in the first place, he can't say.

"Oh," Dick says with a strange wobble in his voice. "I thought— I mean, please forget that I ever offered."

"You thought what?"

"Nothing!"

"Out with it."

Dick fiddles with the flap of the box he's still sitting in, seeming to shrink further into it. "I thought, maybe, you wanted it because, you know..." Here, Dick takes a sharp breath and finishes in a rush, _"because it reminded you of me."_

"Why would I want that?" Jason screeches again. He'll really need to have his voice checked out. That sounded dangerous on his vocal cords.

"I don't know! I said forget it!"

Jason jumps to his feet. "How am I supposed to forget that when you basically told me to go fuck myself!"

Dick springs to his feet as well. "That is _not_ what I meant and you know it!"

"While thinking of you, no less!"

"I didn't say that! You could've just treated it as, I don't know, as a collector's item. Keep it in the packaging. Never open it..."

They stare at each other for a long moment, like two cowboys preparing for a shootout at noon.

"That's not what you were implying," Jason says slowly, firing the first shot.

"You don't know what I was implying," Dick replies, equally as slowly.

Another pause. Then: "I... I should go." 

"No, wait!"

Jason moves toward the door but Dick is faster. He hops out of his box with gazelle-like grace and zooms in front of him, grabbing his arms to physically impede him.

"Oh," he says, eyes going wide. "I keep forgetting what a tank you are. Those guns..." 

Jason's brain skids to a halt when Dick starts feeling up his biceps through his sleeves. "What do you mean you keep forgetting? I'm right in front of you."

"Right!" Dick pulls his hands back as though he got zapped. "I just... I still think of you as Robin sometimes. It gets in the way with... with this." He gestures up and down at Jason.

"With what?"

"With seeing you as you are now."

"Meaning?"

Dick purses his lips and cocks his head, eyeing him critically, and Jason gets the distinct impression that he's not going to answer. He crosses his arms in front of his chest, indicating he's running out of patience.

That seems to do the trick, because Dick is staring vacantly at his pecs and blurts: 

"You're hot now, Jason."

Jason cringes. "I'm what now?"

"You're hot."

"Um, thanks?" Dick thinks he is hot? What in the world is happening? "You too?"

Nervous laughter bubbles through Dick. "My favorite one is red, you know."

_"What?"_

Dick gestures toward the box whose content started all this. "I've got one like that. Only it's red. Like your helmet." A pause. "It vibrates."

Jason is trying to process what he just heard. "You're pulling my leg."

"I'm telling you you're hot and you think I'm making fun of you?"

_"Uh-doi."_

Dick takes a deep breath, though he's basically already hyperventilating. "Why would I do that?"

"I don't know." Jason shrugs. "People do a lot of crazy stuff for no reason."

"Well, I don't."

"You most of all, Mr. I-jump-off-high-rises-just-because-I-can."

"Okay, but I meant what I said just now. Just for the record. Though I don't know why I'm insisting on it."

"You tell me."

They're squaring off again, Jason with his arms crossed and Dick with his fist on his hips. Both with highly red faces.

Jason relents first, because he _has_ to know. "So, uh. You think of me when you get off? That it?"

Dick laughs nervously. "Oh God, why did I even say that?"

Perhaps the mad energy in the room is catching, but Jason suddenly finds himself stepping forward, crowding Dick against the door. "What did you think was gonna happen? That I'd ask you if you wanted to try out the real thing?"

"Um." Dick has raised himself on tiptoe and tried to flatten as much of himself against the door as he could. "Maybe?"

"And do you?"

"Wait," Dick says, visibly shaking now. Jason is kind of afraid Dick might knee him in the groin out of reflex. "Help me out here, because I'm not sure I follow anymore. Am I still dreaming or are you actually asking me if I wanted to fuck you?"

Shit, is this it? His great chance at getting into Dick's pants? "To borrow your words: maybe?"

"Because if you did," Dick says, staring intently at Jason's collarbones, "hypothetically speaking, of course – I'd have a new bed that needs breaking in."

"And, hypothetically speaking, you'd want me to help you with that."

"If you're amenable and available, I'd greatly appreciate that. Hypothetically."

"I'm both." Jason's mouth is dry, his heart is in his throat. "Definitely both."

"Good. That didn't sound so hypothetical."

"It wasn't, if you tell me what your appreciation looks like."

The heat of Dick's crimson cheeks radiates against his own as Dick murmurs into his ear, "How about I show you?"

Jason's throat seizes. He swallows hard. "Lead the way," he croaks, not at all sexy, but Dick doesn't seem to mind. Grinning brightly, he takes Jason by the hand and tugs him toward the bedroom. 

Jason follows, stunned beyond belief. He didn't expect his plan to bear fruit. All he wanted was to help out, and if that landed him on Dick's good side, even better. And now it seems to be about to land him in Dick's bed. He doesn't know what to make of that yet.

He only knows that maybe his Saturday afternoon wasn't so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> (In all seriousness though, notictus, I seem to remember that you preferred getting-together fic for JayDick rather than them already being in a relationship. Otherwise this would have been a different (and probably much shorter) beast entirely! <3)


End file.
